


Forgive Me

by knotforshare



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist, Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003)
Genre: Angst, Feels, M/M, Pining, Wordcount: 100-1.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-30
Updated: 2014-07-30
Packaged: 2018-02-11 01:13:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2047566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knotforshare/pseuds/knotforshare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roy finds Ed digging up his mother's grave. He is not a good man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forgive Me

_Forgive me_

_Forgive me_

_Forgive me, mother_

 

Roy stands just a few feet away from the young boy, close enough to see dirt stained gloves come up and press hard against soft eyes. He should leave. He doesn't belong here with this boy digging up his mother's grave anymore than he will ever belong with him. He knows this just like he knows the boys long blond hair is pulled back into a tight braid, no give.

“What are you doing here?” The boy asks, not turning around. He's on his knees surrounded by small piles of dirt, once white gloves now pressing hard against his thighs.

Roy doesn't say anything just takes a step closer, left arm stretching out, falling. Failing. He's no good at this. Doesn't know what to do with the want curling around him, he's never wanted someone like this, not even Maes. To hold him. To fuck him. To press light kisses against his rigid shoulders, to trace his tongue up cold automail until he finds skin, soft and untouched. He wants to be the one digging, to be the one to gift him his mother's bones.

“I—I.” Roy sighs, pinches the bridge of his nose. He is not a good man.

Ed looks up over his shoulder. He's so determined, so strong and unyielding and young and Roy hates himself for wishing he was the one who had made him cry. At least then Ed could have someone to hate. Roy stops, almost laughs, takes a step closer. Of course, he's not sure Ed doesn't already hate him. He definitely doesn't trust him. He shouldn't. Ed looks so pretty on his knees, dirt and tears and snot covering his face.

“You can't stop me. I have to do this!”

Roy nods, he hadn't really thought past finding Ed. “It might be easier if you used alchemy to dig up her grave.”

“I don't want it to be easier.” Ed turns back to look at his mother's tombstone. “I don't deserve easier,” he ends softly and begins digging again.

Roy takes off his gloves and neatly puts them into his jacket pocket, before taking that off too. He folds the jacket once and places it on the dry grass of the closest grave. He doesn't take the time to read the tombstone, doesn't think they'll mind. Then he kneels, slowly, years of practice bringing him gracefully down next to Ed. Maes had taught him that at least, even if he had never quite managed to stop Roy from acting irrational around this boy.

Only a small mound of dirt separates the two now as Ed stops digging, dirt falling from clenched fists. His eyes catch on slim fingers rolling up perfectly white sleeves. He watches as those delicate hands push into the earth, “forgive me.” Ed doesn't know who says it. He looks up at his mother's headstone. _Trisha Elric._ Her shadow is long and dark.

They dig until Ed hits wood with a metal hand. Ed gives no explanation as he opens the casket, apologies falling from his lips soft and fast. He pulls out a small box and sets it between him and Roy, he doesn't need much. “Mother,” he says, running his hand gently down her cheek, just bone and traces of tissue left.

Roy doesn't ask why they're here. He has seen enough to be grateful Trisha is mostly bones now and Ed does not have to see his mother's skin a greenish blue, her tongue protruding. He is happy Ed doesn't know the smell of death, sweet and rotting like a bad perfume. The boy is still stroking what's left of his mother's face when he makes the decision. He reaches down and takes the smallest finger on her right hand. He places it in the box. “Will you need more?”

Ed looks up, metal hand pulling away from bone like the boy had just realized his mother is cold, that she is just a body now, bones and decayed skin. He nods and takes the box from Roy, seals it shut. “It's enough.”

Roy closes the casket and stands, brushing dirt from his knees. He watches as the boy brings his hands together and with one last, “forgive me,” makes the grave look untouched. Then Ed brings his hands together once more and leaves a circle of flowers. Roy sticks out a dirt covered hand and helps Ed to his feet. The boy stumbles into him, close and warm. Ed doesn't pull his hand away and Roy can't let him go, he needs Ed to be the one to step back. But he doesn't. The boys just leans his head against his chest and wraps his arms around him. Roy goes stiff. No one touches him anymore. Not since Maes. He closes his eyes so he won't have to watch Ed let him go, watch Ed walk where he can't follow.

Ed's shirt catches on Roy's as the boy leans closer and then pushes his way onto the balls of his feet, hands coming up to rest on Roy's shoulders. Roy opens his eyes, mouth parted as if to speak when Ed kisses him. Just a light press of lips and then another, harder, unskilled. Metal hand presses against his cheek and Roy remembers where they are and what they have just done. He takes a step back. Roy doesn't catch him when he falls.

_Forgive me_

Roy doesn't know who says it but Ed runs. Runs fast and far and Roy won't follow him. Can't follow him if he wants to protect him. He picks up his jacket, pulling white gloves over dirt stained hands as he walks away. 


End file.
